Are You Hurting Your Child?

I used to think that all parents loved their child unconditionally, but after spending several years working with families, I’m not so sure that’s true.

I’ve met parents who love their kids, but only when they’re behaving well. I’ve met parents who love their kids, but only if they’re meeting their expectations. And I’ve met parents who love their kids, but only if they’re making them look good.

I’m not saying that these parents don’t love their children. I’m just saying that their love is conditional. And conditional love is not the same as unconditional love.

Unconditional love is love that is not dependent on anything. It’s love that accepts the child for who they are, not for who they could be or who they should be.

Conditional love is love that is based on certain conditions. If the child meets those conditions, they get love. If they don’t, they don’t.

So, what’s the difference between conditional and unconditional love?

• Unconditional love is always there. It doesn’t go away when the child misbehaves or makes mistakes. It’s there even when the child is at their worst.
• Conditional love is based on expectations. It only lasts as long as the child meets those expectations. If the child falls short, the love goes away.
• Unconditional love is accepting. It doesn’t matter what the child does or says, the parent still loves them. They may not always agree with the child’s choices, but they still love them.
• Conditional love is judgmental. It’s based on the parent’s expectations of how the child should behave. If the child doesn’t meet those expectations, the parent judges them harshly.

Conditional love can have a devastating impact on a child’s development. It can lead to:

• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Eating disorders
• Substance abuse
• Relationship problems

If you’re not sure whether you’re giving your child unconditional love, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you love your child unconditionally?
• Do you accept your child for who they are, not for who you want them to be?
• Do you love your child even when they misbehave or make mistakes?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, then you may need to work on developing unconditional love for your child. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.

Unconditional love is the best gift you can give your child. It will help them to grow up to be happy, healthy, and successful adults.