Calling all drivers: The Dreaded Gardiner Closure!

Oh, dear drivers of Toronto, prepare yourselves for a traffic apocalypse as the infamous Gardiner Expressway will be closed for a whopping 35 hours this weekend. That's a right royal pain in the... you know what.

The closure, starting from 11 p.m. on Friday until 10 a.m. on Sunday, is to facilitate some much-needed maintenance, cleaning, and inspections. It's like giving your car a good wash and checkup, but on a much grander scale.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "But I have to get to work!" or "I have a hot date on Saturday night!" Fear not, my fellow commuters. There will be alternate routes available, but be prepared for delays and the inevitable road rage.

The city is also planning to provide shuttle buses for those who absolutely cannot avoid the closure. But let's be real, who wants to sit in a stuffy bus when you could be stuck in your own car, listening to podcasts and singing along to your favorite tunes?

For those who are unfortunate enough to have to venture out during the closure, I have a few words of advice:

• Plan extra time for your commute. Give yourself an hour for what would normally take 20 minutes.
• Avoid the affected area if at all possible. If you can work from home or reschedule your plans, do it.
• Be patient. Everyone will be frustrated, so try to stay calm and avoid road rage. We're all in this together.
• Bring snacks. You never know when you'll get stuck in traffic and need a little sustenance.
• Listen to calming music or podcasts. It will help take your mind off the chaos outside.
• Have a good book or an audiobook on hand. If you get really stuck, you can always catch up on your reading.

Remember, the closure is temporary. We'll all get through this together, and soon the Gardiner will be open again, ready for us to navigate its endless twists and turns.

Until then, stay safe, avoid the madness if you can, and may the traffic gods be ever in your favor.