D. Fischer APAM 298

Diamond Fischer

APAM 298

Assign. Peer Reviews

Sept. 22,2014

Reviewer: Diamond Fischer

Reviewee: Madeleine Sillivos

Story Sturcture : 3 - I enjoyed your use of dialogue structure. I especially like how the end text message explained the title. However I was a little lost with the second dialogue. Make the character of that perspective more clear.

Characterization - 4 - In general your characters are developed through dialogue and subconsicous dialogue. The second perspective is a little unclear.

Idea -4 - I understand the idea of your story. I like the way your story structure revealed it.

Designing Structure - 4- The structure is clear. The second perspective maintains the same structure, it is just the content which is unclear at revealing the character.

Specific Assignment Directions : 5- Followed the instructions in a creative way

Description - 4 - develop second paragraph more.. the dialogue is a little confusing. I liked the inclusion of the end text message.

Word Choice - 4 - There were a few times that the word " though" was used. Although it was a dialouge the word made the flow awkward

Sentence Variarity - 4 overall good sentence structure

Voice/ Sense of audience - 4 - dialogue gave an evident awareness of voice and audience

Grammar and punctuation - 4- overall good, few awkard word choices "though".

Spelling and Word Usage - 5 - self explanatory

Overal Presentation - 4 - General MLA used.. outside of dialogue

Best Part :) - Use of dialogue and text message    Word of Advice :) - develop second paragraph, reread where the word "though " is used and decide if it feels awkward to read.

- Diamond :)

Reviewer: Diamond Fischer

Reviewee: Lauren Jyo

Story Sturcture - 4- The story has a progressive pattern as if it were oral. Characters, plot, and setting are well developed.

Characterization - 4- Your characters were well developed

Ideas- 4- The idea was developed in great detail.

Designing Organization - 3 - There are many details and thoughts. This can create run on sentences. Try to be a little more brief in areas where you don't feel like details are necessary. I have this tendency also

Specific Assignment Directions- 4 - Self Explanatory

Description -4 -  I like the way you developed the peresonalities of your characters. It make it easier for the reader to visualize.

Word Choice - 3 - A few awkward word choices, ex,. ( two of my friends instead of my two friends, don't use the word just...) re- read and find the awkward word choices.

Sentence Variety - 4 - don't see repitition of sentence structure or word choice

Voice & Audience - 5- I think the voice and awareness of audience were made clear through your character description

Grammar/punctuation - 3- awkward word choices

Spelling/Word usage - 3 re-read and you will catch it simply :)

Oveverall Assignment Presentation - 3 - Use MLA format ( double spaced)

Best Part :) - Character development A Word of Advice :) - Be more brief where detail is not necessary, check for grammar and awkward word choice.

- Diamond

Reviewer: Diamond Fischer

Reviewee: Katie Walsh

Story Structure - 5- Brief, well developed and clear for the reader

Characterization - 5- Your sense of tone for each perspective provided great characterization

Ideas - 4- Ideas are developed fully and clearly. There isn't a substantial amount of detail.

Designing Organization- 5- Contains a clear and and coherent structure.

Specific Assignment Directions- 4- Followed directions due to expectation.

Word Choice- 4- Word choices are clear and effective. There are a few typos, missing words or awkward word use. Go back and read them. They will be easy to find, less than 5.

Sentence variety - 4- Effective word choices

Grammar and Punctuation - 4- Generally good, a few typos

Spelling and Word Usage - 5- Same as before

Overall Presentation Format - 5 - adheres to MLA format

Best Part :) - It is very Clear , it sets a tone   A Word of Advice :) - Read through for a few spelling/grammar errors.

- Diamond

Diamond Fischer

APAM 298

Assign. Peer Reviews

Oct 31 ,2014

Reviewer : Diamond Fischer

Reviewee: Tyler Shepherd

Story Structure: 5 – Establishes a strong plot/setting/ character/pt. of view. Excellent.

Characterization – 4- Your characters are well developed and I understand their personalities well.

Ideas- 4- Your ideas are straightforward and well developed. The only thing I would suggest is changing the character’s idea of being” in love” to being” in like”, it seems like love developed fast, which was awkward. Keep the marriage at the end. The reader can imply that they fell in love at the end.

Designing Organization – 4- Organized well and precisely

Specific Assignment Directions – 5- You followed the basic directions and used the idea of “twoness”, and the inclusion of more than one story line.

Description -5- Your use of literary devices and language developed a strong visual for the reader.

Word Choice – 4- Overall consistent, however there were a few word choices that did not conform to the fairytale essence of the story.  (i.e. warranty, wierded, environment). However, I did notice that some of it made the reading funny, which I felt was one of your tones of voice and it’s great that you developed that. However, the words that do not add to that voice, I suggest you reconsider.

Sentence Variety – 4- A wide range of sentencing, no repetition.

Voice/ Sense of Audience – 5- You did an excellent job at this. It was one of my favorite things about the story. It was satirical.  This made your audience clear. It was not a child’s fairytale. It was an adult, or teenage fairytale.

Grammar/ Punctuation – 4- Overall consistent, self-explanatory, take a second read through for small grammatical revisions.

Spelling and Word Usage – 4- Self Explanatory

Overall assignment presentation-4- It’s a creative short story, so guidelines were open. Self-Explanatory.

Best : It was an easy read that was interesting. It established a great tone of voice and audience. It was romantic and satirical.

A helpful tip : Decide if some of the language is outside of the “fairytale” theme, and if it helps add satire. To extend your story, you could add context about the prince’s past and why he hates being a prince so much. If you need a further extension, you could always continue with their lives. Also, consider changing their love relationship into a like relationship in the beginning.

Reviewer: Diamond Fischer

Reviewee:  Danielle Del Rosario

Story Structure- 4 – establishes a direct plot, setting, and character point of view. That is clear

Characterization – 4 – Jay is developed really strongly. Develop Lauren more, “ how she feels about things from her point of view.” Develop her sickness in more detail. Develop Trina and Sasha’s character more without the narration of Jay.

Ideas- 4- Ideas explained directly.

Designing organization 4 – Maintains a clear focus, exhibits a logical sequence of ideas. Maybe you can develop Jay and Trina’s relationship before they fall in love through another date, or an update on what their relationship went through to fall in love.

Specific Assignment directions – 4- Overall follows directions. Include a second storyline.. maybe a conversation between Trina and Sasha, or a conversation between Trina and her family about Jay.

Description- 4-There is a good use of sensory language. You can add more physical description to Lauren’s illness and more sensory feelings to develop Jay and Trina’s relationship.

Word Choice – 3- The description given to your characters makes them seem as though they are high class White New Yorkers. They seem like the adult “Clueless” characters of New York. So you may want to reconsider words in the dialogue like “lemme, bomb, deets, and got?”

Sentence Variety-  4- There is a little sentence repetition. “ Yours Jay”, “ I knew instantly the news was bad news.”

Voice/ Sense of Audience – 4- I think you do a nice job establishing a voice and audience. The use of slang is confusing. However, that is your choice as a writer if you want them to be portrayed differently.

Grammar/ Punctuation – 4- A few typos, just take a nice read through.

Spelling and word Usage- 4- Same as above.

Overall Assignment Presentation – 4- A few grammatical and spelling errors, but overall correct.

The best : You have a good story line. Maybe if there’s more character development and detail outside of Jay. Also consider telling more about Trina and Jay’s falling in love, and what happens after the mom dies. Maybe Trina plans to stay with him, they break up, then come back together because of what Lauren said . They could also stay together just because of what lauren said and not truly be happy.