Elounor

She was crying and if there was one thing I hated, it was to see her crying. I couldn't bear to see her so broken and desperate. I stepped forwards but she pushed me back shaking her head from side to side and I felt the lump in my throat forming.

Eleanor hadn't said anything since she came to Harry and I's flat. I was just standing there in the living room, waiting for her to say something, but she could only cry and I was starting to get desperate too. What was wrong with my girlfriend? Why was she crying? Why didn't she let me touch her? Comfort her? Why did she avoid my kiss when I saw her at my door?

I felt this horrid knot in my stomach that was telling me something awful was going to happen. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. That coward part of me wanted to avoid all the wrong in this world and just live from the happy parts of life. But even I knew it wasn't possible to be a kid forever, no matter how much I tried.

"Eleanor," I called her but she kept crying, sobbing as her hands covered her face. My heart ached for her and I didn't know what to do. "Babe, tell me what's wrong," I asked her, trying to reach her one more time but she backed away.

"I can't take this anymore, Lou. I can't!" She cried out and my heart stopped, I felt like time froze in that moment and her words repeated in my head over and over again.

"W-what do you mean?" I inquired not sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

She looked at me, her testy eyes fixed on me and I could see all the pain reflected in them, all the suffering and determination. My heart raced and fear started to run through my veins. I regretted asking that question.

"I can't, Lou," she repeated. "I'm tired and this is too much. I- I'm..." she covered her mouth and sobbed sonorously, her whole body shaking and I just wanted to hug her, to tell her that everything was going to be fine, but I couldn't move, I was frozen on my spot, looking at her with my heart in my hands. "I'm not strong enough to deal with all this," she resumed after what seemed forever, her voice trembled during the whole sentences, as much as my own heart trembled when listening to her.

"Eleanor... Don't say that. You're strong. We've been in this for a long time. You can't give up now," I begged. I didn't have to pretend like I didn't understand what she was talking about. It had been a delicate issue for us the last couple of months, but I always chose to postpone it or pretend it wasn't happening.

My girlfriend was receiving too much hate. She couldn't go out without getting some death threats, without someone telling her to kill herself because she wasn't worth it. All that was bullshit, I told her that all the time, and I knew she believed me, but- but there should be a point when you couldn't ignore that anymore, when all that hate really reached you and broke you. Eleanor reached that point and that had been my biggest fear since a couple of months.

I loved her, I loved her so much. She was funny, she was clever, she was beautiful, she was good and she loved me, she loved me for me and not for being in a band. She had this beautiful heart that I promised to take care of, but I didn't. I let our fans hurt her over and over again till they broke her. But what could I have done differently? I couldn't shut all those fans that believed to know what was best for me, that believed to know Eleanor. I couldn't fight against that much unjustified hate and because of that, I was losing the woman I loved.

"I CAN DAMN GIVE UP!" She screamed desperately. "I need to give up!" added Eleanor with a shattered voice and still shaking up and down. "I can't take this anymore, Louis. I wish I could but I can't."

I felt my eyes burning and I knew there were tears that wanted to run free down my face. My chest ached so much it was hard to breathe. This couldn't be happening. This was my nightmare coming to life in front of me.

"You don't understand what it's like to be told to kill myself everyday, every single moment of the day. You don't understand what it's like to live scared that in any moment someone will try to hurt you. You don't understand-" she broke out crying terribly. She looked so small, so fragile, so... broken.

I stepped forward one more time and in this occasion she didn't push me away, she didn't even notice I got closer till I wrapped my arms around her slim body and pulled her against my chest. There, she cried her eyes out and I felt my own tears streaming down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Eleanor. I never wanted this to happen," I whispered, my own voice shaking as I hugged her tighter.

"It's not your fault," she replied, her face still buried in my chest, her hands squeezed my t-shirt. "But this won't stop till- till-" her voice broke one more time and she sobbed horridly, breaking my heart even more. "Till we're no longer together," Eleanor finished almost inaudibly.

I hugged her tighter when I heard those words. I knew it and I understood it, but that didn't mean I could just accept it. I loved her and I didn't want to lose her, but I also wanted her safe and happy and she couldn't be that with me whilst we were together because in our relationship there was a huge factor I couldn't control, and that factor was our fans.

Sometimes being in a famous boy band really sucked.

"I love you," I whispered, my face hidden in her hair, breathing slowly trying to keep her scent in my memory because I knew that after she walked away from my flat, I would never have her again.

"I love you too," she replied.

Then why, why if we loved each other we couldn't be together? Why other people had to ruin everything? Why our fans, if they said they loved us so much, we're taking my happiness from me with their selfishness and possessiveness. I was their Louis from One Direction, but I also was just Louis Tomlinson, a boy who wanted a normal life, who wanted to be with the girl he loved. Why were our fans destroying what I wanted and needed?

We stayed there, hugging each other on the floor, crying whilst time passed by. Those were our last moments because even if I loved her, even if I wanted to keep her at my side, I knew better, I knew that things wouldn't change for her, the hate wouldn't stop and if I truly wanted her to be happy like when I met her, I needed to let her go. Maybe in the future we could be together again, maybe in the future our fans wouldn't get get in the way of my relationship with her. Maybe we could have a future together, but that future wasn't here yet and I need to accept that even if it hurt as much as it did.

I didn't know how much time passed when she pulled back and looked me in the eyes. Hers were red and swollen, but she still looked beautiful to me. "I'm sorry, Lou. I tried, I swear I tried but I can't... I'm not strong enough."

"I want you to be happy and if that can only happen when you are far away from me, then-" my voice trembled and I had to stop for a few seconds to pull myself together again. "Then I will let you go." Never has anything been so hard to say as those words. "I'm sorry for all that you had to go through." She shook her head with a weak smile before raising her hand and cupping my cheek for a few seconds.

"I will always remember you as something beautiful in my life. Bye, Louis." her voice was so weak and the look on her face just broke my heart even more.

Why? I couldn't understand why I had to lose her when I loved her and she loved me back. I didn't understand why I had to let her to when it was killing both of us.

She stood up, her body was still shaking but she breathed deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. She looked at me one last time before starting to walk towards the door. I jumped to my feet but I didn't go after her, I just stood there watching as the girl I loved walked away from my life. She stopped at the door frame and turned her head to look at me.

The last image I saw of Eleanor was her smile, but it wasn't that beautiful smile I fell in love with, it was that bright and oh so lovely smile. It was a broke one, a smile that had so much pain yet at the same time it was a happy smile and I knew why: she was remembering all the good times together and that made her smile even when she had her heart broken.

"I love you," I told her one more time.

"And I low you. We're gonna be fine, you know? Now it hurts, but we'll be fine. Maybe you'll meet a stronger girl, someone who can take all that comes with being with you. I'm sorry I'm not that girl," she said and I felt more tears fall down my cheeks and my chest ached more than ever. "Bye, Louis."

"Goodbye, Eleanor," I replied, the pieces of my heart on the floor as I saw her turn around again and cross the entrance, closing the door behind her.