External Revenue Service: The New Face of Global Economics

Welcome, my fellow citizens, to a brand-new era of global economics. Brace yourselves for the "External Revenue Service," a brainchild of our very own President-elect, Donald Trump. This groundbreaking agency promises to revolutionize the way we collect revenue from foreign nations.

Imagine it, folks. No longer will the burden of trade fall on our hard-working American taxpayers. Instead, it's time for those overseas to feel the weight of their hefty wallets. The External Revenue Service will be armed with a magnifying glass and a calculator, ready to pinpoint every dollar that foreign entities owe us.

• Tariffs will soar like eagles: Get ready to witness tariffs that will make foreign goods tremble in their boots. Prepare to bid farewell to affordable imported products and embrace the glory of American-made excellence.
• Duties will double like rabbits: Foreign businesses better buckle up for a duty call like never before. We're going to squeeze every penny out of them, making sure they contribute their fair share to our economy.
• All revenue will be our treasure: Every dollar, every cent, every dime that foreign nations owe us will be meticulously collected and deposited into our overflowing coffers.

But hold your horses, skeptics. This External Revenue Service isn't just an empty promise. Our President-elect has a plan, a strategy that will make foreign nations beg for mercy.

First, we'll dust off the old tariff books and give them a good scrub. We'll review each and every tariff, making sure they're up to date with the latest economic trends. Then, we'll unleash our team of eagle-eyed auditors on foreign businesses, searching high and low for any discrepancies.

And if foreign nations try to play games, we're ready for them. Our External Revenue Service will have a SWAT team of tax lawyers and economists, ready to pounce on any attempt to avoid paying their dues.

Some may question the wisdom of this bold move, but we must embrace innovation. The External Revenue Service is a beacon of hope in an era of economic uncertainty. It will level the playing field, restore balance to our trade relationships, and make America great again.

So, my fellow citizens, let us raise a glass to the External Revenue Service. May it strike fear into the hearts of foreign traders and bring prosperity to our nation.