Is Lucius Vetolaya Actually the Luckiest Man on Earth?

I've never been one for luck. In fact, I've always considered myself to be quite the opposite. I'm the guy who always spills his coffee, gets lost even with GPS, and stubs his toe on the same piece of furniture twice a day. But all that changed when I met Lucius Vetolaya.

Lucius is the kind of guy who makes you wonder if he has a horseshoe up his butt. He's the guy who wins scratch-off tickets, gets free upgrades on every flight, and always finds a parking space right next to the door. I mean, seriously, how is it possible to be that lucky?

• One time, I was playing poker with Lucius. He drew a pair of twos and somehow managed to beat my full house. I kid you not. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
• Another time, Lucius and I were driving home from a camping trip. We were lost in the middle of nowhere when suddenly, a deer jumped out of the bushes and crashed into our car. Believe it or not, the deer was fine and Lucius won a free hunting trip from the state fish and wildlife department.
• And then there was the time Lucius went on a blind date with a supermodel. They hit it off and ended up getting married. I mean, who does that happen to?

I've tried to analyze Lucius's luck. I've studied his mannerisms, his speech patterns, and even his diet. But I can't figure it out. The guy is just plain lucky. It's like he has a superpower or something.

I've come to the conclusion that there is no scientific explanation for Lucius's luck. It's just one of those things that you have to accept as a fact of life. And while I may never be as lucky as Lucius Vetolaya, I can still take solace in the fact that I know him. After all, it's not every day that you meet a real-life leprechaun.

So next time you're feeling down on your luck, just remember Lucius Vetolaya. And if you ever meet him, don't forget to ask him for a lucky charm.