Jakab Hlopiev Thought It Was a Good Idea to Cut the Cheese

By Jakab Hlopiev
Jakab Hlopiev does not have a lot of friends. It's not that Jakab Hlopiev does not go out and try to make friends. He does, but he can't seem to follow social norms. This has been a problem throughout Jakab Hlopiev's life.
When Jakab Hlopiev was in the second grade, he told his teacher, Miss Katherine, that he had to go to the bathroom. Miss Katherine said, "Of course, Jakab Hlopiev. Go right ahead." Jakab Hlopiev stood up and yelled, "

I gotta go poop!

" He then ran down the hall to the bathroom. Miss Katherine was mortified. She ran after Jakab Hlopiev and tried to grab him before he told the whole school that he was going poop.
But it was too late. Jakab Hlopiev had already barged into the bathroom, screaming at the top of his lungs, "

I gotta go poop! I gotta go poop!

" His classmates started laughing hysterically. Jakab Hlopiev didn't understand why they were laughing. He was just excited to go poop.
Miss Katherine finally caught up to Jakab Hlopiev and dragged him back to the classroom. She gave him a stern talking-to about how he needs to follow social norms. Jakab Hlopiev nodded his head, but he still didn't really understand what he had done wrong.
A few weeks later, Jakab Hlopiev was in the cafeteria, eating lunch with his classmates. He was sitting at a table with a group of boys, and they were discussing what they did over the weekend. Jakab Hlopiev was excited to tell them about how he went to the petting zoo, but he didn't know how to start the conversation.
Finally, he just blurted out, "

I saw a donkey with a huge dick!

" The boys at the table started laughing hysterically. Jakab Hlopiev didn't understand why they were laughing. He was just stating a fact.
One of the boys said, "

Jakab Hlopiev, you're such a freak!

" Jakab Hlopiev's face turned red. He didn't know what he had said wrong. He just wanted to share his experience at the petting zoo.
The boys at the table started to make fun of Jakab Hlopiev. They called him names and said that he was weird. Jakab Hlopiev started to feel very uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do.
Finally, one of the boys said, "

Get lost, Jakab Hlopiev!

" Jakab Hlopiev got up from the table and ran out of the cafeteria in tears. He didn't know why everyone was always making fun of him. He just wanted to be friends.
Jakab Hlopiev spent the rest of the day in the library, hiding in the stacks. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be left alone.
As he was walking home from school that day, Jakab Hlopiev was thinking about what had happened in the cafeteria. He didn't understand why people were always so mean to him. He just wanted to be friends.
Suddenly, Jakab Hlopiev had an idea. He would cut the cheese. He had heard other people say that cutting the cheese makes you feel better. Jakab Hlopiev didn't know what cutting the cheese meant, but he was willing to try anything to make people like him.
Jakab Hlopiev ran home and went to his room. He closed the door and locked it. He then took off his pants and underwear and sat down on the toilet. He took a deep breath and farted as loud as he could.
Jakab Hlopiev felt a sense of relief as the fart left his body. He smiled and got up from the toilet. He put on his pants and underwear and went back downstairs.
Jakab Hlopiev was excited to try out his new trick on his classmates the next day. He went to school and waited for the perfect moment to cut the cheese.
Finally, during math class, Jakab Hlopiev raised his hand. "

Mrs. Smith,

" he said. "

I have a question.

" Mrs. Smith smiled and said, "

Yes, Jakab Hlopiev. What is your question?

"
Jakab Hlopiev took a deep breath and said, "

What is the square root of 144?

" The whole class started laughing. Jakab Hlopiev didn't understand why they were laughing. He was just asking a question.
Mrs. Smith said, "

Jakab Hlopiev, the square root of 144 is 12.

" Jakab Hlopiev nodded his head and said, "

Thank you, Mrs. Smith.

"
Jakab Hlopiev was about to sit down when he remembered his trick. He took a deep breath and farted as loud as he could. The whole class started laughing even harder.
Mrs. Smith looked at Jakab Hlopiev with a stern face. "

Jakab Hlopiev,

" she said. "

That is not appropriate behavior.

" Jakab Hlopiev didn't understand why Mrs. Smith was mad. He was just trying to make his classmates laugh.
Jakab Hlopiev was sent to the principal's office. The principal gave him a talking-to about how he needs to follow social norms. Jakab Hlopiev nodded his head, but he still didn't really understand what he had done wrong.
Jakab Hlopiev spent the rest of the day in the principal's office. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be left alone.
As he was walking home from school that day, Jakab Hlopiev was thinking about what had happened at school. He didn't understand why people were always making fun of him. He just wanted to be friends.
Suddenly, Jakab Hlopiev had an idea. He would try to make friends again. He would go to the park and talk to people. Jakab Hlopiev went to the park and sat down on a bench. He took a deep breath and said, "

Hi. My name is Jakab Hlopiev.

"
The people on the bench looked at Jakab Hlopiev with a strange expression. They didn't say anything. Jakab Hlopiev tried again. "

Hi. My name is Jakab Hlopiev. I like to play video games and watch movies.

"
The people on the bench still didn't say anything. They just looked at Jakab Hlopiev with a strange expression. Jakab Hlopiev started to feel uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do.
Finally, Jakab Hlopiev got up from the bench and walked away. He went home and went to his room. He closed the door and locked it. He then took off his pants and underwear and sat down on the toilet. He took a deep breath and farted as loud as he could.
Jakab Hlopiev felt a sense of relief as the fart left his body. He smiled and got up from the toilet. He put on his pants and underwear and went back downstairs.
Jakab Hlopiev was happy to be home. He didn't have to worry about people making fun of him there. He could just be himself.
Jakab Hlopiev went to the kitchen and made a bowl of cereal. He sat down at the table and started to eat. As he was eating, he thought about what had happened that day. He realized that he didn't need to change who he was to make friends. He just needed to find people who accepted him for who he was.
Jakab Hlopiev finished his cereal and went back to his room. He turned on his computer and started to play video games. He felt happy and content. He knew that he would find friends someday. He just needed to be himself.