Peer Reviews: Megan Ho and Lauren Jyo

Megan Ho

Story Structure- 5

            -This story is structured very clearly.  It builds at a nice pace and concludes in a way that leaves the reader satisfied yet at a cliffhanger.  Way to keep your options open for extending the story or leaving it right where it is.

Characterization- 4

            -The emotions of the characters are beautifully described, but I would like to hear more about the personality of the character him/herself.  What are they like/what other circumstances led them to their present state etc…

Ideas- 5

            -I could tell you had a clear picture in mind while writing this story and you portrayed your ideas well and in a intuitive manner.

Designing Organization- 4

            -The switching from script dialogue to descriptive, paragraph form dialogue was a little awkward but I understand why you did it that way.  It would be so much “he said/she said” if you wrote it all in paragraph form, but I also loved the paragraph that had the dialogue written this way.  Maybe if you integrated paragraph form more than once, kind of scattered in the piece it would read smoother. 

Specific Assignment Directions- 5

            -You followed the prompt of the directions clearly and originally.

Description-5

            -You described your scenes very well and with great details.  You really conveyed what a meeting of a first love would feel like.

Word Choice- 4

            -There is some variety but I think you could push it even more to convey more about your characters and how you envision their personalities to be like within dialogue.

Sentence Variety-4

            -The sentences vary a good amount.  There is also a presence of repetition but this could have been just utilizing the power of repetition as a device and for emphasis.  It was hard to tell but if this was your intention it worked well, but you may want to make it more obvious.

Voice/Sense of Audience-5

            - The voice and intended audience remained consistent and structured.

Grammar/Punctuation- 3

            -Look up the correct use of a semicolon, I’m not completely sure but I don’t think it is used correctly.

            -Pronoun use in the concluding paragraph needs to be consistent (objective)

Spelling and Word Usage- 3

            -There are a few typos that change the intentions of your sentences: see grandmother dialogue on first page

Overall Assignment Presentation-

           -Your ideas and descriptions are very clear and detailed.  I enjoyed reading your story :).

Lauren Jyo

Story Structure- 3

            -The first couple of paragraphs are very jumpy so it causes you to have to repeat things that you already mentioned but didn’t go into detail on.  Maybe if you reorganize a little bit and make it a smooth, chronological storyline it would read smoother. 

Characterization- 3

            -You are very detailed when it comes to the events and within dialogue, but you need more detail in terms of the background of your characters.  Not just the events leading up to dialogue, but how the character is feeling about where they are/what they are doing.  This will help to form some personality around your characters.

Ideas- 4

            -I could tell you had a clear storyline in your head.  Reading this piece fully even just once over could make it easier to organize and visualize your idea more clearly.  It should be easy to make it more cohesive from there.

Designing Organization- 3

            -Again, I could tell you had an idea.  You just need to decide how you want to organize to make it easier for your reader.

Specific Assignment Directions- 5

            -You were very open and creative when developing the idea of this plot and that’s great! Coming up with a main plot and conflict was the hardest part of this assignment (at least for me). 

Description- 4

            -You have the right idea with the amount of description that for the events that occur.  Again, things just need to be clarified and obvious before you can move forward.  Once you decide where you want to develop your plot, more description of characters as well as whatever subsequent events are to come would make your story an even better read.

Word Choice- 3

            -Sometimes I could tell you meant another word instead of the one you used but it was still confusing until I figured out what you were trying to say.  This is easily fixed if you just read the whole piece out loud ad tweak it a bit.

            -There is also a lot of repetition of words.  A little more variety would be a quick fix and not hard to change.

Sentence Variety- 4

            - There is a good balance of description and dialogue in the piece.  Once they are clearly organized it will be easier to determine how much more variety you will need in the sentences used to represent each.

Voice/Sense of Audience- 5

            -The voice remains consistent and the intended audience would be able to clearly understand what the main character is going through.

Grammar/Punctuation- 3

            -There are a few run-on sentences and commas are used unnecessarily

            -There are some typos/word omissions that make some parts confusing

            -Verb tense is not consistent

            -There are some phrases in need of capitalization and punctuation to be a complete sentence/dialogued phrase

            -Commas go inside the “” after you have finished your dialogued phrase

            -You are missing quotations around some key dialogue so it starts to get confusing when figuring out who is doing the speaking.

Spelling and Word Usage- 3

            -There are some mis-used words where I could tell what you meant but it wasn’t totally clear.

-Junior high= middle school, I think you kept saying junior high but meant high school.

Overall Assignment Presentation- 3

            -Though I could tell you may not have read over it, the ideas you had made for a compelling plot.  Once you get it organized and smooth enough to read and clearly comprehend, it will be intriguing and very original.