Peer Reviews

Katie Walsh

Story Structure: (4) Really good at establishing plot and where you want to go with it. However the end of the plot isn't very clear.

characterization: (3) You could use more dialogue. Also, who is the first perspective?

Ideas: (3) Try to develop the ideas more, I feel like you cut it off too soon.

Desinging Organization: (4) Clear focus with logical transitions.

Specific Assignment Directions: (4) Meets requirements.

Description: (3) You could use more sensory detail and try to give more variety in you word choice.

Word Choice: (3) Try to use more sensory detail.

Sentence Variety: (3) Use more complex sentences.

Voice/Sense of Audience: (4) You know your audience well and you have a strong voice.

Grammar/Punctuation: (4) Multiple are awkward or hard to understand. Check your use of commas.

Spelling and Word Usage: (4) Didn't see any wrong spellings or uses.

Overall Assignment presentation: (5) Have all of the listed items.

Notes: The conflict is great! Very relevant and good for four perspectives. Try to strengthen your character development for each perspective and make their narrative clearer. I would give this assignment a B. (total/added score: 41)

Lauren Jyo

Story Structure: (3) Good plot and setting! However it could use more narration with your voice and more dialogue.

Characterization: (3) Who was Tom? What was his point of view?

Ideas: (4) Ideas developed clearly.

Designing Organization: (3) Good focus, but transitions are very awkward.

Specific Assignment Directions: (3) The 4 perspectives aren't very clear.

Description: (3) Very descriptive, however it's more telling than showing. Show more, show the audience what happened, how characters felt, etc. Sometimes you get caught up in background details.

Word Choice: (4) Good word choice - great detail.

Sentence Variety: (3) Too much repetition, try to eliminate that in your sentences.

Voice/Sense of Audience: (3) Your voice is lost in all the backgorund detail you give.

Grammar/Punctuation: (4) Some repetition of phrases make it awkward to read.

Spelling and Word Usage: (4) Correct spelling and word usage.

Overall Assignment Presentation: (3) You need MLA heading, page numbers and creative title.

Notes: Great plot with a lot of potential. However you can go deeper into each perspective, it feels like it's only your vioce and point of view. Don't get caught up in telling; show you audience instead. I would give this assignment a B-. (total/added score: 42)

Diamond Fischer

Story Structure: (4) From first sentence I already knew initial plot/where you wanted to go - very good!

Characterization: (4) You could have more dialogue. Narration is pretty good - give each point of view a voice.

Ideas: (4) Ideas are well developped with relevant details. Maybe go a little more into what happend after?

Designing Organization: (4) Clear focus/logical sequence of events. Good transitions.

Specific Assignment Directions: (3) Who is the 4th point of view?

Description: (3) Coudl use more sensory detail.

Word Choice: (3) You could show not tell a little bit more.

Sentence Variety: (3) Needs more complex sentences.

Voice/Sense of Audience: (4) Very strong voice, you know who your audience is.

Grammar/Punctuation: (4) Few grammatical errors, but they don't really confuse the reader - just check over the writing.

Spelling and Word Usage: (4) Didn't see any incorrect word usage.

Overall Assignment Presentation: (3) Need an MLA heading, page numbers, and a creative title.

Notes: The organization was very good; I was never confused on who's perspective I was reading. However, you need a 4th point of view. Maybe it could be another girl at the party? Also include more dialogue if you can fit it in. I would give this assignment a B+. (total/added score: 45)