Danielle del Rosario's Peer Reviews

Review for: Tyler Shepherd

Story Structure: 5 – story structure is easy to follow

Characterization: 4 – Beginning characterizations of the Prince could be more descriptive, describing his transformation would be good. Describing how average Flora is, what about her is average yet striking.

Ideas: 5 – ideas is clearly stated and follows a plot

Designing Organization: 4 – sometimes with the indented dialogue is distracting, transitions between dialogue and plain narration can be distracting. i.e. going from indented dialogue to non-indented to indented, sometimes all the dialogue is not indented.

Specific Assignment Directions: 5 – follows meet-cute & parable, good job!

Description: 3 – some areas could use more character or situational descriptions

Word Choice: 4 – word variety is adequate and well used

Sentence Variety: 4 – sentence structures vary from long to short, dialogue is well used.

Voice / Sense of Audience: 4

Grammar/Punctuation: 3 – double check when you enter into dialogues, a few areas need commas to introduce quotes, just punctuations in sentence structure

Spelling/Word Usage: 5 – well used words, not many errors in spelling

Overall Assignment Presentation: 4 – easy to follow, meet-cute & parable inclusion is well exhibited.

Total Score: 50

Assessment: The best aspect of this assignment: The clear structure, the easiness to follow the plot, and the inclusion of the parable and meet-cute is clearly defined.

One aspect of this assignment that may require further revision is: Sometimes the transitions between dialogue and plain narration is abrupt, try improving fluidity

The grade I would give this assignment is: B+

Review for: Diamond Fischer

Story Structure: 4 – I like how you added in a little background information on mamma and her life. The story flows well.

Characterization: 4 – Describe what Hanna and Emily are like, are they the stereotypical white girls? Describing your characters can really help the reader understand and appreciate the characters.

Ideas: 5 – ideas are clearly stated throughout the story

Designing Organization: 3 – With the dialogue between characters, sometimes it would benefit you to add in a little character description before going into the dialogue banter. i.e.) Frantically rummaging through her closet, Monique goes, “Mom, I can’t find my clothes where did you put them.” – it would help to add some character action to help the reader understand who is talking to whom

Specific Assignment Directions: 5 – follows the meet-cute and parable assignment, well done.

Description: 3.5 – sometimes it would benefit to describe the situation/what the character is doing or feeling before going into a dialogue.

Word Choice: 4 – I like that you continue to use the slang throughout the narration.

Sentence Variety: 4 – some sentences could be shorter, or longer. It may sound better to switch the first two sentences of the first paragraph. When you go into talking about mamma’s life in the first paragraph, some sentences just need some words switched around to better enchace an understanding of the narrative. i.e.) She then had me and Eli with our father who was killed in a car accident about five years ago. – it is difficult to interpret the sentence, needs revision. The first paragraph is very descriptive, but it could be led into two paragraphs instead of one.

Voice / Sense of Audience: 4 – the kept slang gives the reader a sense of laidback-ness and easiness to read

Grammar/Punctuation: 3.5 – in the first paragraph you use “I and my brother” should be “my brother and I”, double check that the quotation marks are directly before/after dialogue, sometimes there is a space between. When you are using dialogue between Monique and her friends (I believe its at the end of the second paragraph) use “…” not “..”

Spelling/Word Usage: 4 – I like how you use slang in your dialogue and continue it throughout the narration, it gives a voice and a sense that the narrative is taken from a “diary” like point of view

Overall Assignment Presentation: 4 – some areas could use revision, see above comments.

Total Score: 43

Assessment: The best aspect of this assignment: I enjoyed how you kept the terminology/slang throughout the story, as I stated multiple times above. :)

One aspect of this assignment that may require further revision is: The area in most need of revision is the dialogue: fixing quotations, adding in minor details to character actions before dialogue.

The grade I would give this assignment is: B