R102 million Powerball jackpot WINNER

The makers of those famous but addictive scratch lottery tickets and the barely more respectable competitions on TV have a new champion, and it is YOU! Yes, you, the lucky reader of this esteemed publication. You are now the proud owner of a winning Powerball ticket worth R102 million.

We cannot tell you how you managed to pull this off, because, frankly, we don't know. But it is not witchcraft or sorcery, it is just pure, unadulterated luck. You, my friend, are one of the luckiest people alive, and the entire staff of this publication congratulates you on this remarkable achievement.

As you begin to come to terms with your good fortune, you will face many choices. You will have to decide what to do with all that money, and you will have to decide how to deal with all the people who will be coming out of the woodwork to congratulate you, commiserate with you, and otherwise get in your face.

Here are a few tips for dealing with your newfound wealth:

<>Don't tell EVERYONE you win.

<>Get a lawyer and a financial advisor who specialize in lottery winners.