Sayres Pollmanns: The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Doughnut

As a seasoned detective, I've witnessed the surreal and absurd side of life. But nothing could prepare me for the bizarre case of Sayres Pollmanns.
The Doughnut-Wife Dilemma
It was a crisp autumn evening when our protagonist found himself at a crowded bakery, his gaze fixed on a particularly plump and glazed confection. In a moment of sugar-induced hypnosis, Sayres reached out and grabbed the doughnut, only to realize too late that the sweet treat was, in fact, his wife's hand.
An Edible Epiphany
The initial shock quickly gave way to confusion and disbelief. Was his wife edible? Did she come with jam and sprinkles on the side? Sayres' mind raced as he frantically searched for a rational explanation.
"My dear, I seem to have made a rather unfortunate mistake," Sayres stammered, his voice trembling. "You're... well, you're not actually a doughnut, are you?"

"Why, of course I'm not a doughnut, you silly!" exclaimed Mrs. Pollmanns, a hint of amusement in her voice.
"But you look so delectable," Sayres lamented. "Your glaze is perfect, and your sprinkles are the epitome of confectionery perfection!"

A Diagnosis and a Cure
As it turned out, Sayres' peculiar obsession with doughnuts was a symptom of a rare condition known as "doughnut vision." This bizarre affliction causes sufferers to perceive their loved ones as irresistible pastries. The only known cure? A steady diet of actual doughnuts.
A Cavity-Inducing Marriage
And so, Sayres embarked on a doughnut-filled journey to restore his sanity. Every morning, he'd wake up to a plate of freshly glazed treats, patiently munching his way through until his doughnut-wife regained her human form.
It wasn't the most romantic way to live, but it was effective. Sayres' wife eventually shed her sugary exterior and reappeared as her beautiful self. However, the experience left a lasting mark on their marriage.

To this day, Sayres and his wife still enjoy an occasional doughnut together, though they're careful to keep it in moderation. And every time they do, they can't help but chuckle at the day Sayres mistook his wife for a delicious, edible treat.

So, there you have it, the tale of Sayres Pollmanns, the man who mistook his wife for a doughnut. A reminder that even in the most peculiar of circumstances, love can find a way to conquer all—even the insatiable craving for sugary treats.