Tenerife. Jay Slater

What a place. What a time.
I actually didn't go to Tenerife. To be fair I didn't go to Leeds either. Or London for that matter. I have a friend called Jim who lives there. We met at skewl and were the only 2 lads called Jim in our year. Jim was a bit more sporty than me so he got the nickname ''Fit Jim'' and I got ''Flabby Jim''. The name stuck all the way through to adulthood.
My Jim, ''Fit Jim'', has been working in London for ages. He started out as a waiter in a restaurant near Hyde Park Corner. He's not a waiter anymore. He wears a suit and works in an office in Canary Wharf. I think he's some kind of financial whizzkid.
I live in Leeds. I've lived here all my life. When I left skewl, I became an apprentice painter and decorator. I've been doing it ever since. I'm not complaining. I've worked for myself for the last 10 years and I don't do too badly. But it's not exactly rocket science. Not like Jim.
Anyway, last summer Jim invited me down to London. He'd got himself a nice flat and we could stay the night if we wanted. He said he'd take us out for a slap up meal and show us a good time.
I was excited but I couldn't get the time off work. I'm self employed and I always seem to be busy. I said I was gutted I couldn't make it and asked if he could do it again sometime.
He said he'd be going to Tenerife with his girlfriend over the winter and if we went we could all go out there together. All expenses paid. That was him being a flash git. He always used to buy me a pint when we went to the pub. I was always grateful and, like a right Yorkshireman, I always tried to buy him one back. But he wouldn't let me. He'd say ''Next time''. There never was a next time. It was like he was paying off a debt from way back when.
I told him how kind that was and I'd love to go. But, as before, I didn't think I could get the time off.
In the end I did manage to get a couple of weeks off over Christmas and New Year. I rang Jim and he was made up. Not just for me but because I'd managed to get the time off. I think he felt a bit guilty. I know that sounds silly. I mean, it was a kind offer he made and he wasn't expecting me to take it up. But I think he secretly hoped I would.
Anyway I was going to Tenerife. I went to the travel agents, booked the flights and accommodation and I was all set. I rang Jim to tell him. I was expecting him to be made up. But he wasn't.
He was a bit vague. He said his girlfriend wasn't keen on the idea of us going. She wanted it to be just the two of them.
He didn't sound too convincing to me. I asked him if it was definitely off. He said it was.
I was disappointed but I took it on the chin. It wasn't the end of the world.
I told him it was fine and said to give me a shout when he got back.
I got the impression he was a bit relieved. Then he said something that I didn't expect.
He said I was ''too needy''.
That hit me for six. Needy? Me?
I asked him what he meant.
He said if he offered me a lift somewhere he'd have to make it clear that he wasn't expecting anything in return. He said I was like a dog that never lets go of its bone.
I was gobsmacked. I didn't know what to say.
''Needy'' was the furthest thing from the truth. I'm anything but needy. But I didn't want to start an argument. I couldn't believe he was saying this to me.
He said it was the reason he hadn't invited me down to London. He said he felt obliged to keep buying me drinks.
I was speechless. I just wanted to get off the phone.
I said I had to go. I said I'd be in touch.
I put the phone down and I couldn't get my head round it. Needy? Me? I just couldn't believe it.
I thought about it for ages. I didn't know what to make of it.
Then I remembered something that happened ages ago.
I was about 15 and I'd just got my first girlfriend. We were walking down the street and we saw one of her friends. They stopped to talk. I was hanging around waiting for them to finish. I didn't really know what to do. I was a bit shy and awkward. I felt uneasy standing there on my own.
Her friend, who I didn't know very well, said something like ''Don't worry, he'll be hanging around like a bad smell''. I was taken aback. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there.
I felt embarrassed and self conscious. I felt like an idiot.
I remember thinking ''I'm not hanging around like a bad smell''. I remember wanting to say it to her. But I didn't. I just stood there.
It was weird how I'd remembered that incident after all these years.
I thought about it again. Maybe there was something in it. Maybe I did come across as being needy. I always felt grateful when people did things for me. Maybe I showed it too much. Maybe I came across as being a bit desperate.
I sat there thinking about it. I thought about the way I behaved towards Jim. I thought about the way I behaved towards other people.
I thought about our friendship. I thought about how I felt when he was around.
I realised something. I realised that Jim was right. I was needy. I was desperate for his approval. I wanted him to like me.
I wanted him to be my friend.
I realised that I was no longer a 15 year old boy. I was a 52 year old man. I was married with children. I had a good job. I was happy.
I didn't need Jim's approval. I certainly didn't need his money.
I was surprised by how easy it was to come to terms with it. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.
I picked up the phone and rang Jim. I told him I understood. I apologised for being needy. I thanked him for being honest with me.
He was surprised. He didn't expect me to react like that.
I told him that I wouldn't be going to Tenerife. I told him I needed some time to think about things.
He said he understood. He said he'd be there for me if I needed him.
I said I knew he would.
I put the phone down and I felt a sense of peace. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I'd had an epiphany. I'd realised that I was no longer a 15 year old boy. I was a man. I didn't need anyone's approval. I didn't need anyone's money.
I was happy.
I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the things that people do for me. I'm not saying that I don't like to show my appreciation. But I'm not going to be needy anymore.
I'm going to be independent. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to be me.
I'm glad Jim said what he did. I'm grateful for his honesty. I'm grateful for his friendship.
But I don't need his approval anymore.
I'm happy.