안전놀이터

Todd: 안전놀이터

I know we’ve got five years to go, but I can’t help but think you’ve already pondered some aspects of your, “I am now 50” column for us down the road. A mix of gratitude at being alive mixed in with some “dad stuff” your kids are now making fun of you for, plus perhaps some “fuck — Tom Brady is still playing” reality thrown in, and finally, some braggadocio on mastering a technology not yet invented but that will be a household name by that time? … and did I just ruin this future column?

I actually filed that same column to Road & Track the week before I went on vacation. It’s still being edited, but it’ll see the light of day eventually. Todd here is correct though. I am not yet 50, but all the signs are there. I’m deaf. I make weird noises. Whenever I’m in the car with the kids, I always point out new storefronts (“That used to be an Army Surplus!”), and, most vital of all, I find myself giving less and less of a fuck. About everything.

Not giving a fuck has become a tired cliché beaten into the ground by movies, TV shows, Kid Rock, you name it. It’s only when you hit 50 that you really put the concept into practice. You don’t TELL people “I don’t give a fuck,” because you don’t give enough of a fuck to announce it to people. It’s not a pose. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s genuine, earned indifference. I’m close to that. I’m not all the way there, but it’s coming. All I want is to nap in my recliner. My family and my work aside, I don’t REALLY care about anything else. Other people are needy. Other places are uncomfortable. I find young people stupid and I have no interest in any of the dogshit music they like. Once I hit 50, I will have seen all that the world has to offer, and all of it will fucking bore me. Your 40s are annoying because it’s all OH BOO HOO I’M GONNA BE OLD SOON. With 50, all of that angst is resolved. You ARE old. And ugly. And uncool. And it doesn’t matter at all. Can’t wait.